President Me: haute qualité The America Thats in My Head by Carolla, Adam NEUF

My fellow Americans,

President John F. Kennedy once famously asked, "Hey, is that blonde intern eighteen yet" He also said, "Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country."

Weve changed a lot since JFK told us all to pitch in. Weve become a nation of narcissistic, yoga-mat-toting, service-dog-having, absentee dads and gluten-free, hand-wringing, hypochondriac moms of overcaffeinated (yet somehow still lazy) twerking tweens. And our government is an inept bureaucracy incapable of doing anything except getting in our wallets and in our way.

Weve got to get it together, America.

That is why I, Adam Carolla, hereby declare myself Candidate Carolla. The tome you hold in your hands is a statement of my intent to whip our country back into fighting shape, to eliminate the "what are you going to do for me" mentality that has invaded our country.

President Me is my manifesto, my vision for a better place . . . free of Big Government, barefoot fliers, lazy hipsters whod rather "occupy" than work, and the other things that are bringing our country down. With my cabinet appointees, my list of worthy and necessary presidential ManDates, and tons of great ideas for fixing our health care, education, energy, and even national parks systems . . . behold an America we can be proud of. The America I see in my head.

Youre welcome in advance.

Your future leader,

Adam